Peek A Boo

Last night, there was a rave on campus. And when I mean rave, I mean someone DJing in one of our functional halls at my University. It was fun. I was drunk. It got really great when me and Bertha went to into the function hall closet. We start are hooking up. Nice. So were hooking up there for quite a bit, and then Bertha grabs my crotch to I guess pull me closer to her.We both hear a rip in my American Apparel Black Leotard.

Honestly.

We stop. I than realize that that there is a huge hole in my crotch. The hole was about the size of a mango. Awesome. I am not wearing any underwear. Even more awesome.

I'm actually really pissed right now because I was and am still in love with that leotard. It's perfect accessory in a girls closet.... well in my closet. Anyway, Bertha and I eventually slip out the closet and try to leave and walk to the nearest exit, without anyone noticing. When I mean anyone, I mean the combined 200+ sober and not so sober people at the rave. I had to walk like there is a stick up my ass so no one will see my fucking VAGINA... hanging out like whats up.

Leave the function hall. Walk to friends dorm to get keys. Go up two different flights of stairs. Walk to my dorm that is halfway across campus. Walking slow as fuck.

Champ status.

To Fuck Or Not To Fuck

To fuck or not to fuck - that is the question.

Questions like this that would only be applicable in College... well maybe not but its the first time I have ever had heard of someone deal with this kinda situation. 

One of my friends who I love to death... shes awesome. I will call her Mary. She is girly be can be one of the guys, sweet, and really into boys. Loves em. And who can blame her. The opposite sex can be rather appealing.


Setting: Frat Party.
Scene: Mary playing beer pong. Me kinda tipsy.

She sees me and greets me with a huge hug!
She then comes to me and says "Leah, I have a huge problem!"
Me: what is it?! Are you okay?!

Mary: I have 2 boys I have my eye on... but I don't know which one to fuck

Me: What's the problem... obviously the hotter one!
Mary: my dilemma is Boy A is really hot, but he can never get it up and Boy B is okay looking, (obviously not as hot as Boy A) but will probably get it up. And I just wanna get it in!

I let this problem marinate in my mind for a couple of minutes.She wanted a good time so after, I told her Boy B was the better choice. Boy B has a better chance getting the job done. Again, I have never been in that situation or never thought to be put in that situation. And I thought choosing between girls or boys to fuck was hard. After the party broke up, I see her holding hands with Boy B, both of them walking out. I smiled.

oh the dilemmas of college

WANNABE SWAG

When we are with our significant other, someone we like, or someone we have a crush on... we want to impress them, we want to to have swag.

Obviously, I am a wannabe.

Totally hate people who have charisma and swag.

2 hours ago.

Me and Betha brushing our teeth in bathroom. Me running to my room. Me trying to have swag. Me in a rush. Me trying to make funny faces, while I walk backwards to impress Bertha who is still brushing her teeth. Me about to walkout of the bathroom entrance. Me trip over a 4 foot fire extinguisher.


Me now have a huge bruise on left knee. Totally awesome, like omg.

In retrospect, questions surface. Why was there a huge 4 foot extinguisher in the middle of the door entrance to the bathroom...? Why did I not notice that before when I entered the bathroom?

Note* this wannabe swag can be seen also if your really attractive, delicious, goodlooking, beautiful or yoos a sexy bitch. Probably,wont be able to talk to you. You will hear soft mumbles coming from my mouth. OR me say something quickly, give you a dirty look... and run away.

Daily Strugglin'

Stop Sippin that Haterade

I know that some people have thought that maybe certain blog posts have been about them.  So, I’m really sorry if you feel upset or offended.  But my blog is just an outlet to my creativity.  I’ve just been honest with how I feel and am voicing the adventures of my life.  And I have every right to do that:  the first amendment says so.  Shout outs to the founding fathers of America. That being said, there’s a reason I keep everything anonymous and give people fake names.  This is so no one knows who is who.  No one will figure it out.  And if you think they have, you can assure them of the law of large numbers.  You can be sure it’s not about you. Don’t flatter yourself.

oh my god, she's gonna have a bitch fit!

I’d like to think that I’m a nice person. However sometimes, I can throw a bitch fit. Usually it's when I’m jealous, stressed, do not get what I want, lack of sleep, bad mood, and especially when I’m trying to get somewhere  and the doushe in front of me is walking SO slow. Seriously, can’t handle it… get out of my way. But when creating a bitch fit there is always karma. Karma always nips you in the butt… and this is my story: 

At the airport. Going back to school after a long seven day spring day break. Wasn’t in the best mood…  was kind fighting with my parents about stuff. But for good reason. So I am at the gate, waiting to board.

Background info: Now I fly on Southwest Airlines and Southwest assigns each person a number to board the plane, so like if you have the number 1-30 you board first, and if you have 30-60 you board last. All passengers line up in number order. The great thing about Southwest is that they assign you a number to when you can get on the plane, but doesn’t assign you to any particular seat on the plane. You can choose where you want to sit. So obviously, if you have a lower, number you have a better seat, or a seat you want.

When in line, waiting to board the plane, and this very tall, skinny, long haired, indie, urban outfitters wearing, probably in college, girl slowly comes up to me. Let me remind you that I was in a very vulnerable state at this time. 

So she stops, and says “oh what number do you have.." and points to her ticket

And I say “um… well it doesn’t really matter what number I have, and I really don’t know” and then I turned the other way like an asshole.

I really don't know what came over me.... I don’t know what my though process was at the time… like I probably thought she wanted to go in front of me in line or something.  But HELL NO. I wanted a seat next to the window, so I could sleep and forget about my problems with my parents. 

She gives me a look and walks away. I get on the plane, fly back, and then arrive back on campus. Whatever. Okay, so at that point when I arrived back in my dorms, I did feel bad. And I just took it out on that poor girl. Fuck.

So that very night, I had a club meeting. The meeting begins and everyone in this huge circle of about 30 people. WHY IS THAT SAME GIRL I SAW AT THE AIRPORT at the meeting? Oh my god,she goes to my school. Oh my god, I am fucking idiot. At that point, I was like this isn’t happening, what the hell. That would happen.

So, it’s the beginning of the meeting and the club is holding board elections for next semester, and this girl is running for one of the spots on board like secretary or something. I’m on board. Awkward. I have never seen her in my life. I am just so caught off guard by the whole thing. At the end of the meeting, I come up to her and say hello. (I didn’t know what to do?.. honestly didn't know what to do) Hey what’s up… remember me the asshole at the airport. I mean she was perfectly fine, nice and polite. We quickly chatted about how we live in the same hometown, and how we both go to the same university. Small World.

Yup. That’s cool. 

Karma’s a bitch. 

I’m a bitch. (sometimes)

Fuck me.

I mean I see her time to time because she is a sophomore like me, so she eats in the same cafeterias like me and probably lives in the same dorms as me.  When I see her I smile and after she walks by I do a self slap across the face. Honestly. till this day, I don’t really know if she took that offensively, but I think she did. I would. I’m so sorry if you reading this!

Baby Boy Feat. Sean and Paul

(So the contents of this blog post will be better understood if you have read the High School Hotties Blog Post explaining my spitting on boys catastrophe. More of the older blog posts anyway are more.. let's just say flavorful,  And when I mean flavorful, I mean awkward, uneasy and embarrassing.)

So this post goes out to another boy that I had like a thing with in high school, and we will call him Sean. Sean was this super cute, super awkward, supper skinny, pot smoking boy, who I met by mutual friends.  I thought it was endearing that he was so awkward… and mumbled his words a lot. He had this kind of Bostonian accent, however he is not from Boston. Also, I have a thing for accents. boston, english, spanish, english accents... like em all.

We met over the summer, started texting, and decided to go on a movie date. He picks me up in his car (at that moment I had never felt so cliché in my life… honestly ... he picks me up in my car, we see a movie,  and then smoke some pot). I was so nervous, and thank god I was wearing a black bubble dress, because he would've seen my real cute sweat stains. Let’s be honest, I'm like a sweating machine.

So were at this movie, aka the worst movie in the world. I t was suppose to be scary… but it ended up being stupid. And I am one to be scared of actual scary movies. But this movie was like dog poop.

Random Fact:  My friends dragged me to a haunted forest, on Halloween one year,  where you walk around in this dark forest, and scary things pop out and people with chain saws come after you. So I go, and my partner was Jasmine,and we walk to together in the forest, and all of a sudden the grudge girl pops out. (I am terrified over the grudge girl. Saw it in movie theaters with Roxy and had to run out of the movies theaters halfway through the movie) We obviously have to get passed this grudge girl. In panic, what do I do? I shove Jasmine on to grudge girl and run away frantically, screaming "no, you will not get me!"

Back to the story with Sean, so were watching this lame movie… I’m dying because I am so bored. I’m like leaning my head over onto his shoulder, hinting. So after a supposedly scary scene, I turn my head to tell him how not scary that scene was… and he literally grabs my face and shoves his mouth onto mine. He was basically playing snake with my mouth. Awesome. Having a German Sheppard slobber all over me wasso much fun. I was so flustered that I begin talking while his mouth was suctioned to mine, letting out the words like “oh okay, um okay, oh, um, okay”. Then after a good 3 minutes, he stops, I stop. We both continue watching the movie like nothing happened.  

After that,,  I went to camp and kind of texted him for a while and then just kinda stopped. 

When I got back to school, after that summer, I was awkward and he was awkward about it. So obviously,  we both pretended like we didn’t know each other when we walked down the hallways in our high school. And when I mean both of us, I mean just me, not acknowledging his presence. My b. Okay, so yes it might seem like I am an asshole, but in actuality I am just so fucking awkward. Couldn't handle the pressure. Sean is not the first boy I have done that to…. my bad.  

I mean after that I saw him at a couple of parties… whatever. 

Fast forward to the summer after graduating high school, Star and I were coming back from seeing Spring Awakening at the Kennedy Center in DC, and we were really thirsty. So, we went to the  711 nearby my house to pick up some slurpies. Slurpies are the fucking shit. You can win my heart with a pina colada delicious ice cold slurpie! We get our delicious slurpies and we go back into my car, and as were driving off…. Guess who pulls up into 711… Sean and his best friend ….let’s call him Paul. So of course as were driving away, me and Star were like… lol… awkward… and Star was like “let's go back and say hi.” Of course, Star would recommend that. She loves awkward situations, especially when they have to do with me. SO…Star was like lets go back…and I was like…. well since we graduated, I would probably never see Sean again so what the hell. Also, our little thing was so long ago… and I needed to stop being so awkward. 

We drive back to 711, Sean and Paul were still still buying… well if I would have to guess it would be chips, slurpies, and some rolling paper.  Me and Star nonchalantly walk into 711 again, we see them. They see us. I begin to feel queasy. Awesome. They come up to us, say hey… Paul asks us about how our summer is going. Sean is not saying anything. I’m barely saying anything…. 

All of sudden, again, I don’t know what comes over me but a huge wet, ball of spit was cultivating in my mouth, because I was that uncomfortable. I just can’t control my drool… and spit all over Paul. For no apparent reason. ( I mean clearly, it was because I was so nervous). All over his cargo shorts. I then to proceed to run across the 711 to the gum section which was in the back. I hide there until they leave.

Star is uncontrollably laughing. 

 I hate myself. 

Me and Sean have mutual friends so inevitably we started talking as friends, and inevitably became acquaintances during the rest of the summer. 

Honestly though. 

Months pass,  I met up with him and decided to give it another go. We went on a dinner date, and then went back to his house to watch a “movie”.  Lets talk about that. 

During dinner…

Sean:  I was talking to my mom about you and your school and my mom told me you go to an ivy league Jewish school

Me: I mean I wouldn’t say it was ivy league… but its only like Jewish affiliated.

Sean:  oh…  that sucks.. I wouldn’t want to go to a jew school.  I wouldn’t wanna go there…. Have fun with that

Me: oh… okay. 

Rude. But OKAY. My IQ slowly melts when we change the subject.

Me:  So, I know that your Jewish but what is your ethnicity

Sean: wait, what

Me: Like where are you from?

Sean:  here..?

Me: no where are you parents from like before America… like your roots ?

Sean: umm… idk… my parents and I don’t really talk about that stuff.  We do really fun stuff together…  there cool parents and we don’t talk about stuff like that  

Honestly. Did those words really come out of your mouth? Like how do you not know where you come from, your roots, your background… and how can you not be curious. The conversation doesn’t get any better after this. 

Sean: Yeah, I like drinking a lot.

His cell rings. He gets a text message. Reads the text during dinner.

Sean: Oh it’s just my ex girlfriend. She is so annoying. Like always wants me back... but yeah.

Me: Oh... that’s cool.

Sean: yeah, since I broke up with her… she like gets naked in front of all my friends to get attention. But like yeah, no big deal … she’s so annoying.

That is always what a girl likes to hear. Always.

After dinner we head back to his house in the basement to watch a movie. We sit on the couch. He decides to flip through channels on the television. He stops at the discovery channel. Why are we watching an episode about people touring Israel, seeing men and women praying at the Western Wall? Then he goes… “oh isn’t this what your into?”  In my mind, I was like are you serious? Is this forreal? Just because I go to a jewish affiliated university doesn’t mean  that I like all things nice and Hebrew. 

Later, we start hooking up and literally halfway through… I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t wrap my head around the dinner conversations. I was like…. “could you just  like take me home?”

Honestly. Like you will not stay on my mind and will never fulfill my fantasies.  Like damn.