There is this thing on campus where you where nothing but a thong and get painted with liquid latex, and they call it an art show. I did the show freshman year, and as a sophomore I was like okay I'll do it again.. what do I have to loose. Little did I know... my fucking dignity.
So the night before the show, I had to shave every inch of my body. (Everything had to be naked mole rat status because after the show when your taking the latex off your body it will hurt like a mother fucker... pulling of you hair) Last year I waxed everything, this year was a bit last minute and I shaved everything. EVERYTHING...well except my back. That's weird. So, I am in the shower for a long time obviously. I finish. I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a yellow towel, and walk back to my dorm room. Nothing crazy.
While walking back to my room, one of the dudes who lives on my hall passes by and says "hey Leah! I see you shaved!"
Oh. okay. Awesome. Oh my god. I am a ripe tomato. Oh my god. I look down to see my if my coochi was hanging out but it wasn't. I am confused at this point... thinking did he see me in the shower?... Me looking confused. Him looking confused because I look confused. He goes "yeah, you know you shaved your mustache!"
LOL. I almost crapped in my pants. I forgot that me and a friend were goofing around the other night with
fake mustaches and he saw me in with a mustache. LOL... but I almost died right their in my towel. Total misunderstanding.
Back to the real story, the show starts at 8pm. However, painting the body starts at 12pm because you are painted with layers of latex. So, I am getting naked, getting painted, etc. Now they do not paint around your crotch you paint over your thong because just in case you need to go to the bathroom. I have a huge blatter. So I told the person who was painting me: " just seal me up! paint me all!" This was around 4 pm. I tell her to do this as I am drinking pink lemonade.
The latex artwork that covered by body was finished around 6pm.Two hours before the show. When Latex dries on the body, sometimes it can rip (like a latex condom when having kinky sex) and so when 8pm rolled around the latex started ripping slighting in areas such as my crotch, knees,and neck. Places where I would be forced to move my body in order to walk. Whatever, not a big deal, this happens to everyone.
At 815 pm, the first acts perform ( I was in the second act). As the acts were performing, I felt the urge. The urge to tinkle. Fuck my life. Fuck me for drinking lemonade.
HONESTLY.
Now, since the latex ripped in my crotch area, I thought that I could pee.
MISTAKE.
"Peed in my pants" the expression doesn't seem fit for what happened. It was more "peed in my latex."
Massive flood of pee all over me, all over the latex on my legs and all over the bathroom floor. Good thing everyone was outside watching the acts perform, while this was happening. After, I pee on myself, (awesome) I flip the fuck out. Not because the girls bathroom floor was a pleasant shade of sunshine yellow, but because I smelled like urine and I was about to perform on stage, and the latex was falling apart apart, and and my naked body was seeping through.
FUCKME.sohard.
So I quickly rush out of the stall wash my hands, and grab paper towels (a massive amount) Trying to dab my latex on my legs dry,so it wouldn't fall off my body (especially on stage in front of many peers and TEACHERS). Awesome. Grabbing and dabbing was the technique I used. Latex was ripping and I began to see my thong. fuck. I run to the boys bathroom to dry of the pee on me. In retrospect, I don't know why I ran to the other bathroom. At this point, hyper ventilating begins, me breathing slowly and deeply.
I then go back in to the room I was painted in and start repainting my crotch ASAP. However, it would not be dry in time for the second act. So, what do I do?
I fucking blow dried my vagina like it was my job with some rando's blow dryer so the latex could dry.Yeah (and it didn't have the cool button). So my VAG was on fiya for like 10 minutes.
HAM=me.
I think the show went well at least? No one mentioned the smell of urine on stage.
