Baby Boy Feat. Sean and Paul

(So the contents of this blog post will be better understood if you have read the High School Hotties Blog Post explaining my spitting on boys catastrophe. More of the older blog posts anyway are more.. let's just say flavorful,  And when I mean flavorful, I mean awkward, uneasy and embarrassing.)

So this post goes out to another boy that I had like a thing with in high school, and we will call him Sean. Sean was this super cute, super awkward, supper skinny, pot smoking boy, who I met by mutual friends.  I thought it was endearing that he was so awkward… and mumbled his words a lot. He had this kind of Bostonian accent, however he is not from Boston. Also, I have a thing for accents. boston, english, spanish, english accents... like em all.

We met over the summer, started texting, and decided to go on a movie date. He picks me up in his car (at that moment I had never felt so cliché in my life… honestly ... he picks me up in my car, we see a movie,  and then smoke some pot). I was so nervous, and thank god I was wearing a black bubble dress, because he would've seen my real cute sweat stains. Let’s be honest, I'm like a sweating machine.

So were at this movie, aka the worst movie in the world. I t was suppose to be scary… but it ended up being stupid. And I am one to be scared of actual scary movies. But this movie was like dog poop.

Random Fact:  My friends dragged me to a haunted forest, on Halloween one year,  where you walk around in this dark forest, and scary things pop out and people with chain saws come after you. So I go, and my partner was Jasmine,and we walk to together in the forest, and all of a sudden the grudge girl pops out. (I am terrified over the grudge girl. Saw it in movie theaters with Roxy and had to run out of the movies theaters halfway through the movie) We obviously have to get passed this grudge girl. In panic, what do I do? I shove Jasmine on to grudge girl and run away frantically, screaming "no, you will not get me!"

Back to the story with Sean, so were watching this lame movie… I’m dying because I am so bored. I’m like leaning my head over onto his shoulder, hinting. So after a supposedly scary scene, I turn my head to tell him how not scary that scene was… and he literally grabs my face and shoves his mouth onto mine. He was basically playing snake with my mouth. Awesome. Having a German Sheppard slobber all over me wasso much fun. I was so flustered that I begin talking while his mouth was suctioned to mine, letting out the words like “oh okay, um okay, oh, um, okay”. Then after a good 3 minutes, he stops, I stop. We both continue watching the movie like nothing happened.  

After that,,  I went to camp and kind of texted him for a while and then just kinda stopped. 

When I got back to school, after that summer, I was awkward and he was awkward about it. So obviously,  we both pretended like we didn’t know each other when we walked down the hallways in our high school. And when I mean both of us, I mean just me, not acknowledging his presence. My b. Okay, so yes it might seem like I am an asshole, but in actuality I am just so fucking awkward. Couldn't handle the pressure. Sean is not the first boy I have done that to…. my bad.  

I mean after that I saw him at a couple of parties… whatever. 

Fast forward to the summer after graduating high school, Star and I were coming back from seeing Spring Awakening at the Kennedy Center in DC, and we were really thirsty. So, we went to the  711 nearby my house to pick up some slurpies. Slurpies are the fucking shit. You can win my heart with a pina colada delicious ice cold slurpie! We get our delicious slurpies and we go back into my car, and as were driving off…. Guess who pulls up into 711… Sean and his best friend ….let’s call him Paul. So of course as were driving away, me and Star were like… lol… awkward… and Star was like “let's go back and say hi.” Of course, Star would recommend that. She loves awkward situations, especially when they have to do with me. SO…Star was like lets go back…and I was like…. well since we graduated, I would probably never see Sean again so what the hell. Also, our little thing was so long ago… and I needed to stop being so awkward. 

We drive back to 711, Sean and Paul were still still buying… well if I would have to guess it would be chips, slurpies, and some rolling paper.  Me and Star nonchalantly walk into 711 again, we see them. They see us. I begin to feel queasy. Awesome. They come up to us, say hey… Paul asks us about how our summer is going. Sean is not saying anything. I’m barely saying anything…. 

All of sudden, again, I don’t know what comes over me but a huge wet, ball of spit was cultivating in my mouth, because I was that uncomfortable. I just can’t control my drool… and spit all over Paul. For no apparent reason. ( I mean clearly, it was because I was so nervous). All over his cargo shorts. I then to proceed to run across the 711 to the gum section which was in the back. I hide there until they leave.

Star is uncontrollably laughing. 

 I hate myself. 

Me and Sean have mutual friends so inevitably we started talking as friends, and inevitably became acquaintances during the rest of the summer. 

Honestly though. 

Months pass,  I met up with him and decided to give it another go. We went on a dinner date, and then went back to his house to watch a “movie”.  Lets talk about that. 

During dinner…

Sean:  I was talking to my mom about you and your school and my mom told me you go to an ivy league Jewish school

Me: I mean I wouldn’t say it was ivy league… but its only like Jewish affiliated.

Sean:  oh…  that sucks.. I wouldn’t want to go to a jew school.  I wouldn’t wanna go there…. Have fun with that

Me: oh… okay. 

Rude. But OKAY. My IQ slowly melts when we change the subject.

Me:  So, I know that your Jewish but what is your ethnicity

Sean: wait, what

Me: Like where are you from?

Sean:  here..?

Me: no where are you parents from like before America… like your roots ?

Sean: umm… idk… my parents and I don’t really talk about that stuff.  We do really fun stuff together…  there cool parents and we don’t talk about stuff like that  

Honestly. Did those words really come out of your mouth? Like how do you not know where you come from, your roots, your background… and how can you not be curious. The conversation doesn’t get any better after this. 

Sean: Yeah, I like drinking a lot.

His cell rings. He gets a text message. Reads the text during dinner.

Sean: Oh it’s just my ex girlfriend. She is so annoying. Like always wants me back... but yeah.

Me: Oh... that’s cool.

Sean: yeah, since I broke up with her… she like gets naked in front of all my friends to get attention. But like yeah, no big deal … she’s so annoying.

That is always what a girl likes to hear. Always.

After dinner we head back to his house in the basement to watch a movie. We sit on the couch. He decides to flip through channels on the television. He stops at the discovery channel. Why are we watching an episode about people touring Israel, seeing men and women praying at the Western Wall? Then he goes… “oh isn’t this what your into?”  In my mind, I was like are you serious? Is this forreal? Just because I go to a jewish affiliated university doesn’t mean  that I like all things nice and Hebrew. 

Later, we start hooking up and literally halfway through… I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t wrap my head around the dinner conversations. I was like…. “could you just  like take me home?”

Honestly. Like you will not stay on my mind and will never fulfill my fantasies.  Like damn.

Never Mix Business with Pleasure

Senior year of high school, since I was basically done with school in May and had already gotten into college, I decided to find a job. I applied for a zillion things: mostly restaurant gigs and retail. Confession: my dream job was to work at the Chanel counter at the Mall in Nordstrom. I was so close too, having past 2/3 interviews however they wouldn’t accept me because I was going to leave in the fall for college aka they wanted someone permanent. Their loss. So finally, one of the retail stores at the mall, close to my house, hired me. Pay was decent, can’t complain. I was not much of a people person before my job, but I think the job helped me come out of my awkward shell. 

Example: Me folding clothes in the back, while in charge of the fitting room. Really really hot guy slowly walks to the fitting room. Me about to get uncomfortable. Me pretending to fold our new bootcut jeans delicately. Hot guy stops and smiles, asks me if he could use the fitting room. Me cannot even formulate words. Me Sweating. Me leaning forward to talk to him. Me dropping  the stack of jeans next to me that I just folded. Me quickly apologizing and becoming quite flustered. Minutes later, he walks out, sporting our new polo and Khaki pants. Hot guy asks me what I thought. Me can’t even formulate words. Finally, I say “yeah.. yeah looks … it’s a crotch pleaser… I mean CROWD PLEASER, CROWD PLEASER.”  No. Did those words really come out of my mouth? Then I put my head down and continued folding that same pair of jeans.

I don’t know if you felt this way, your senior year of high school,  but when I was a senior in high school, I knew most of the people in my grade and the grades below me, and was not interested in anyone because I knew all of them, their back story… and yeah. So of course, I wanted to dip into the retail pool. There were very slim pickings at my job, but I became interested in Jamie... we’ll call him Jamie for now.  Jamie and I were both wasian, and I won’t lie I have thing for wasians (and Guatemalans, of course). If you didn’t know what a wasian was before: someone consisting of both Asian and white decent. Wasian's have one white and one Asian parent. Wasians are the hybrids of the world and have many skills and talents.

Back to the story, Jamie conveniently added me on facebook a couple weeks after I got the job and in my mind I was like yeehhhhhhhhh.  During this time, there was another boy we will call Kevin. Kevin wasn’t really my style, he was very bro status (more of Star’s type of man), but he was actually a hilarious person. So funny. Me and Kevin always flirted, but let’s be serious he flirts with everyone. 

So the summer is dwindling, and there was a week left before I headed to College in Massachusetts. I was waiting for Jamie to ask for my number, however I knew he a huge pussy (lets be honest) but the summer was ending so I was like better late than never. But anyway, so I ‘poked’ him on facebook, yes I know I am 12 years old (we’ll get to my poking adventures on facebook at another time, another blog post). He does not poke me back, in my mind I tell myself work this is going to awkward work day tomorrow. Fast forward to work the next day, Jamie asks for my number. Score. The poke worked. Later that day at work, Kevin, Jamie, and I are all working on folding the whole store. Kevin and Jamie are folding men’s sportswear, while I’m folding granny panties. I’m close enough to them to hear their conversation. Jesse and Kevin are chatting about getting haircuts. I’m listening, because it funny. Anyway, there is pause in the conversation. Kevin not really screams but talks in a loud voice to get my attention and says “..so Leah. I don’t know but maybe we could go get dinner sometime.. yeah know.” Jesse is in the background also waiting for my response. What do I do? I stare at Kevin. Then, I continue folding panties.Silence. Look at Kevin again, and murmured “ahhh… uhh.. well..umm.” Then, I just keep folding panties in front me. Honestly, at this point I was so shocked, and that came out of now where. Also, even if I was like yes, that is just awkward, don’t ask me across the room about dinner, while our supervisor is there and customers are on the floor. Also, even if I did say yes or show any excitement towards Kevin, Jamie was right there and I was extremely uncomfortable. Um. Yeah. So then I just continued to fold panties, like nothing happened, like nothing was said, I didn’t know what to do. Then, there was just more silence. Awkward silence. When Kevin was done folding men’s wear, he had the audacity to come and help me fold panties. It was awkward because then he started commenting on the panties, “these are so big, these are so slutty, etc” I just nodded for effect. 

Whatever. After that, things weren’t really awkward. Nothing ever blossomed with Kevin after that, but he did have my number and sometimes texted me. Went on a date with Jamie. It was okay, nothing special. When I went to school, I actually was texting both of them. I mean I don’t feel that bad, because it was not serious with either.  It’s funny though, because Kevin texted me randomly and I was joking around and I asked him if he “miss me?” He said yes and then asked me if I missed him and I responded saying “no” (as a joke). No responding text back. LOL.  I can’t handle people who don’t understand my sarcastic humor, but that was still pretty awkward.

I no longer work in retail anymore and when I am home sometimes, I run into Jesse and Kevin randomly at Target, College Park, at a restaurant, etc. Jesse does not acknowledge my presence, but then again one day I just decided to stop responding to his texts. Kevin still gives me hugs though.