Baby Boy Feat. Sean and Paul

(So the contents of this blog post will be better understood if you have read the High School Hotties Blog Post explaining my spitting on boys catastrophe. More of the older blog posts anyway are more.. let's just say flavorful,  And when I mean flavorful, I mean awkward, uneasy and embarrassing.)

So this post goes out to another boy that I had like a thing with in high school, and we will call him Sean. Sean was this super cute, super awkward, supper skinny, pot smoking boy, who I met by mutual friends.  I thought it was endearing that he was so awkward… and mumbled his words a lot. He had this kind of Bostonian accent, however he is not from Boston. Also, I have a thing for accents. boston, english, spanish, english accents... like em all.

We met over the summer, started texting, and decided to go on a movie date. He picks me up in his car (at that moment I had never felt so cliché in my life… honestly ... he picks me up in my car, we see a movie,  and then smoke some pot). I was so nervous, and thank god I was wearing a black bubble dress, because he would've seen my real cute sweat stains. Let’s be honest, I'm like a sweating machine.

So were at this movie, aka the worst movie in the world. I t was suppose to be scary… but it ended up being stupid. And I am one to be scared of actual scary movies. But this movie was like dog poop.

Random Fact:  My friends dragged me to a haunted forest, on Halloween one year,  where you walk around in this dark forest, and scary things pop out and people with chain saws come after you. So I go, and my partner was Jasmine,and we walk to together in the forest, and all of a sudden the grudge girl pops out. (I am terrified over the grudge girl. Saw it in movie theaters with Roxy and had to run out of the movies theaters halfway through the movie) We obviously have to get passed this grudge girl. In panic, what do I do? I shove Jasmine on to grudge girl and run away frantically, screaming "no, you will not get me!"

Back to the story with Sean, so were watching this lame movie… I’m dying because I am so bored. I’m like leaning my head over onto his shoulder, hinting. So after a supposedly scary scene, I turn my head to tell him how not scary that scene was… and he literally grabs my face and shoves his mouth onto mine. He was basically playing snake with my mouth. Awesome. Having a German Sheppard slobber all over me wasso much fun. I was so flustered that I begin talking while his mouth was suctioned to mine, letting out the words like “oh okay, um okay, oh, um, okay”. Then after a good 3 minutes, he stops, I stop. We both continue watching the movie like nothing happened.  

After that,,  I went to camp and kind of texted him for a while and then just kinda stopped. 

When I got back to school, after that summer, I was awkward and he was awkward about it. So obviously,  we both pretended like we didn’t know each other when we walked down the hallways in our high school. And when I mean both of us, I mean just me, not acknowledging his presence. My b. Okay, so yes it might seem like I am an asshole, but in actuality I am just so fucking awkward. Couldn't handle the pressure. Sean is not the first boy I have done that to…. my bad.  

I mean after that I saw him at a couple of parties… whatever. 

Fast forward to the summer after graduating high school, Star and I were coming back from seeing Spring Awakening at the Kennedy Center in DC, and we were really thirsty. So, we went to the  711 nearby my house to pick up some slurpies. Slurpies are the fucking shit. You can win my heart with a pina colada delicious ice cold slurpie! We get our delicious slurpies and we go back into my car, and as were driving off…. Guess who pulls up into 711… Sean and his best friend ….let’s call him Paul. So of course as were driving away, me and Star were like… lol… awkward… and Star was like “let's go back and say hi.” Of course, Star would recommend that. She loves awkward situations, especially when they have to do with me. SO…Star was like lets go back…and I was like…. well since we graduated, I would probably never see Sean again so what the hell. Also, our little thing was so long ago… and I needed to stop being so awkward. 

We drive back to 711, Sean and Paul were still still buying… well if I would have to guess it would be chips, slurpies, and some rolling paper.  Me and Star nonchalantly walk into 711 again, we see them. They see us. I begin to feel queasy. Awesome. They come up to us, say hey… Paul asks us about how our summer is going. Sean is not saying anything. I’m barely saying anything…. 

All of sudden, again, I don’t know what comes over me but a huge wet, ball of spit was cultivating in my mouth, because I was that uncomfortable. I just can’t control my drool… and spit all over Paul. For no apparent reason. ( I mean clearly, it was because I was so nervous). All over his cargo shorts. I then to proceed to run across the 711 to the gum section which was in the back. I hide there until they leave.

Star is uncontrollably laughing. 

 I hate myself. 

Me and Sean have mutual friends so inevitably we started talking as friends, and inevitably became acquaintances during the rest of the summer. 

Honestly though. 

Months pass,  I met up with him and decided to give it another go. We went on a dinner date, and then went back to his house to watch a “movie”.  Lets talk about that. 

During dinner…

Sean:  I was talking to my mom about you and your school and my mom told me you go to an ivy league Jewish school

Me: I mean I wouldn’t say it was ivy league… but its only like Jewish affiliated.

Sean:  oh…  that sucks.. I wouldn’t want to go to a jew school.  I wouldn’t wanna go there…. Have fun with that

Me: oh… okay. 

Rude. But OKAY. My IQ slowly melts when we change the subject.

Me:  So, I know that your Jewish but what is your ethnicity

Sean: wait, what

Me: Like where are you from?

Sean:  here..?

Me: no where are you parents from like before America… like your roots ?

Sean: umm… idk… my parents and I don’t really talk about that stuff.  We do really fun stuff together…  there cool parents and we don’t talk about stuff like that  

Honestly. Did those words really come out of your mouth? Like how do you not know where you come from, your roots, your background… and how can you not be curious. The conversation doesn’t get any better after this. 

Sean: Yeah, I like drinking a lot.

His cell rings. He gets a text message. Reads the text during dinner.

Sean: Oh it’s just my ex girlfriend. She is so annoying. Like always wants me back... but yeah.

Me: Oh... that’s cool.

Sean: yeah, since I broke up with her… she like gets naked in front of all my friends to get attention. But like yeah, no big deal … she’s so annoying.

That is always what a girl likes to hear. Always.

After dinner we head back to his house in the basement to watch a movie. We sit on the couch. He decides to flip through channels on the television. He stops at the discovery channel. Why are we watching an episode about people touring Israel, seeing men and women praying at the Western Wall? Then he goes… “oh isn’t this what your into?”  In my mind, I was like are you serious? Is this forreal? Just because I go to a jewish affiliated university doesn’t mean  that I like all things nice and Hebrew. 

Later, we start hooking up and literally halfway through… I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t wrap my head around the dinner conversations. I was like…. “could you just  like take me home?”

Honestly. Like you will not stay on my mind and will never fulfill my fantasies.  Like damn.

High School Hotties

High school was my prime time for being inept, tongue tied, graceless, uncomfortable, and self-conscious. Two stories that really stick out in my mind, freshman year of high school, are about two different boys aka some high school hotties, let’s be honest.  

We will call him John.  I was a freshman, John was junior. John was actually beautiful, there’s something about Latinos… there just so attractive on so many levels. I was not sure where John was from but if I had to guess I would go with Columbia. Good jaw line, light eyes, good teeth, rockin body, obviously bringin sexy back. 

In high school, our foreign language department and our art department were in the same hallway. That year I was taking ceramics, and John was taking French. Since, both are classes were in the same hall obviously we came into contact, walking past each other to get to our next class. At first, it was smile and a smile back from time to time. 

Then, one day he finally introduced himself. Introductions were fine, I didn’t stutter, and when he asked me what I like to do for fun, I was quick on my feet to answer field hockey.  Two days later, after class, I walked into the hallway, and there mad people in the hall too because class was over, however I spotted John from down hall. So I’m obviously was walking in his direction to say hello, I was already somewhat sweating because I was that nervous because he was so hot (and in my defense, I was also sweating because there were so many bodies around me trying to get to their next class). So I finally reach him, and he goes in for a big hug. Now, as I have mentioned before in my past blog posts I am not one for hugs. Without thinking, I go in for the hug too, but instead of hugging him I hug his left arm. In other words, instead of going in between his arms and hugging his stomach, I moved more to the left of him and inched up to him, and then ended up hugging his left arm. John goes “umm.. okay?.. um.” Then, I go “oh… sorry! I mean.. um.. yeah” Then he responds by saying “no, its cool” and smiles. I of course freak the fuck out (in my mind) and walk away quickly. Slick move, Leah. I still can’t believe I did that… realll, how could I hug is left arm?

After that, to my surprise he would say hi and try to hang out, but I just couldn’t, I was just so embarrassed.  Of course, I told all my friends what happened and then they waited until I told them the whole story to tell me they saw the whole thing in action. 

The next boy… we will call him Dave. Dave and I went to middle school and high school together. Okay, so yes I thought he was attractive when I first met him in middle school, but after I actually exchanged words with him, I wasn’t with it. Don’t get me wrong, he was really sweet and intelligent (let’s be honest he was a fucking genius), but he wasn’t really my cup to tea. 

 So the summer before freshman year, I just assumed he went through the wondrous magic of puberty because when he stepped into my English class and I was in awe. Now, he looked like was Abercrombie and Fitch status. He was one of your typical dark brown hair, blue eyes, big muscles, lacrosse playing, all American, all sexy, boy. 

So our high school was made up of many middle schools joining together, so when Dave stepped into the English classroom, yes I was like oh damn, but…. it was still Dave. Dave who enjoyed algebra and torturing/flirting girls in middle school with saccade bugs (in the 7^th grade the saccade bugs came out of their shell… disgusting). However, for the people who did not know him… he was a Greek god. A beautiful Abercrombie and Fitch Greek god, if that’s even possible. In class I was assigned to sit next to Dave and I didn’t really mind because we’ve been friends since middle school. I also made friends with some of the girls in my English class (who actually are my best friends still today). A couple weeks into the class, they confess their love for Dave to me, and of course I was like “yeah, I know!” To be honest, I didn’t like him/ didn’t think he was that attractive but you when your friends hype the situation, you can’t just help but go on the band wagon. 

One day, in class, my friend mouths to me, across them “Dave is sooo hot,” while Dave was sitting next to me, concentrating on his essay. I nod my head agreeing with her, and as I turn to look at Dave, I don’t know what comes over me, but this huge glob of split, went flying from my mouth onto his arm. Minutes later, he realizes my saliva is on his arm. I look at my saliva on his arm. He jumps up from class, starts freaking out, “Leah just spat all over my arm.. Leah, omg were are no longer friends!” Of course, I’m trying to hide, by covering my face, obviously that is a fail. He runs out of the classroom to wash my spit off his arm. I honestly have no idea how and why how I accidentally managed to form that much saliva and spit it all over his arm till this day.

The next day, everything was normal and he acted like nothing happened… and so did I. We lost touch as friends (I don’t know if it was because of this incident), but remained acquaintances throughout high school. My friend Star (more info mentioned in the Jello Shot Girl post) actually hooked up with Dave for quite a while, senior year and of course I had to tell her this story. When I shared this story with her, she laughed and then shared stories about how Dave was actually a sloppy kisser. I died.