Hot Ass Mess

So I was into my second semester of my freshman year, chillen. Getting the hang of my university (…well surdove). So I was coming back from dinner with some friends off campus, and went on a university bus, which is a bus that takes you into town and back to campus. So, me and some friends are on the this bus and see other mutual friends. They say hi, and I get introduced to this guy named … we’ll call him Matt. So, me and matt hit it off, I get my flirt on, nothing crazy though. When we arrived on campus, my friends and I were dropped off where my dorms were, and say goodbye the mutual friends and Matt. I was like whatever, never going to see him again. 

So wrong. 

That night we end up going to this party off campus. Before, I continue I would like to add that my best friend from home was visiting me, Star. 

So we get to this party and my girls and I were dancing, drinking have a good time… Then  I see Matt there. We end up dancing… whatever. We end up hooking up…whatever. (Do not judge by choices under the influence.)  So we continue to dance, and my friend Star is dancing all alone and I feel bad…and I tell this Matt. He goes “oh lemme get my boy, Craig.” Next thing you know Craig and Star are going at it. Can I also say Star lied and told Craig and everyone else at the party she was 22 and goes to Harvard University. They believed her. Fucking ridiculous, honestly.

Then  me and Matt make conversation while dancing…  like where are you from, what are you doing later tonight, and what year are you? So, I begin to tell him I am a freshman. He responds saying he is a prefresh. 

Honestly. 

Okay in retrospect, I don’t feel like a pedophile because he technically was a just a year younger, but HONESTLY. He was still in high school. Damn. If you saw someone on campus, you would just assume they went to your university ..awesome.  

Party ends. We are going back to my dorms. I'm drunk and mortified. Star has her tongue down Craig’s throat. I’m trying to get Matt and Craig off my balls, so I could go to bed, honestly. So we go to my friends dorm, we’ll call him Max. We go Max’s dorm, and me, Star, Matt, and Craig are just chillen. Matt needs to go to the bathroom.  I quickly tell Max what my dilemma is so he can tell Matt and Craig to go home and stop trying to get it in, because it wasn’t going to happen. I personally am not a confrontational person so I wanted Max to do it.  Matt quickly comes in all flustered, telling everyone in the room “dude this guy is getting it in with a girl in the shower, while I was pissing!... he’s the fuckin man” Were all like oh damn. Five minutes later Max’s roommate and Lauren (one of my good friends in college now) come into the dorm from the shower with towels on. Honestly. 

So then Max is like “oh the girls are sleeping here tonight.” Matt and Craig get the idea and leave. Then, me, Max, and Star decide to do facemasks after a long night. 

Lets fast forward to this year, I am now a sophomore. Matt ends up coming to this school. Awesome. Huge rager on campus.  I go. My ex roommate and I are dancing and we bump into Matt, which apparently everyone is friends with him. So  I was like I’ll just force myself not to be awkward… Good thing I was not sober that night. 

We end up dancing….

We end up hooking up…

I hook up with one of my friends…

We all hook up at the same time…

I was really drunk. Might I add that I don’t drink this much anymore, because of choices like that. AKA good thing 4lokos are illegal. 

I see Matt sports rings on his fingers. Like man rings or something. First person, I have ever hookuped with who were man rings. He lets me where one, and explains that it was given to him to by his ex girlfriend and the ring means a lot to him. 

After that night , Matt texts me wanted to get dinner and and shit like that, trying to make something more the hookup.  And, to be honest, I was into something else. Nothing personal to Matt, but  the heart wants what it wants. 

He finally stops texting me and gets the point that I’m not into it. He asks for his ring back via text. 

Why do I lose the ring?

Honestly, why am I such a doushe?  

 I don’t respond to him thinking, the ring might pop up somewhere like in my room or in my backpack. He then proceeds to facebook message, call me and leave messages about the ring. 

Andddddd, well I finally just tell him that I lost the ring…. Yeah.

Leah= HAM

Can we also talk about today I was sprinting up a huge hill in front of my dorms, late for a meeting, and trip on my show, and do a superman layout. Honestly. HAM. 

Can we also talk about I have had lost 11 university id cards. Each id card cost ten dollars. HAM.

Blitz Attack

So from the previous posts, one can assume that I am trying to figure out my sexuality. I have been with guys in the past, but I have a girlfriend now. I wanted to tell my parental units what was going on in my life and what I was going through now, also informing them I have a girlfriend. Because last time I checked they assumed I was very much straight. So I wanted to tell them this at the right time and right place. However, I’m a fucking dumbass and should’ve known that I am incapable of such things.

As my dad and I were driving in a tow truck (because we obtained 2 flat tires because my dad hit a random rock) he mentioned that he has read my blog. He quoted a lot of things in the ‘Jello Shot Girl post’. First, that’s awkward on so many levels. Your parents should never know in detail what you do when it comes to sex, drugs, and alcohol. Second, How did he find my blog? Because I posted it as my status on facebook and were facebook friends. Also, at this moment in time, for some reason, it didn’t cross my mind that he read the ‘My Girlfriend Cheated on Me’ or ‘Same Sex Drunk Hookups’ posts which indicate I have a girlfriend.

That night, as my nanny was preparing sushi for my brother’s lunch, while we were catching up. I have known my nanny since I was in the 2^nd grade.  My nanny begins to tell me about this women she is currently working for. This woman is lawyer, has two beautiful baby girls, and has a wife. She then proceeds in saying “She’s really great. And a lesbian.” Awkward pause. Looks at me. I look at her nonchalantly. Then, she continues to tell me about the two baby girls. In my mind, I’m like awesome. How does she know? I am friends with both her children on facebook, who must have seen my relationship status and told my Nanny. Cool beans.

Later that night, I start skyping with Sugar in my room. Were chatting, chatting, were chatting about my girlfriend, were chatting about her boyfriend, then about frozen yogurt, blah blah blah.  When we finish skyping, I go to my brother’s room which is right next door to say hello. And this is what happen: 

Me: wassuspppppp. What are you up to?

My brother just stares stares at me and smiles.

Brother: maybe you should speak softer when talking to Sugar about you girlfriend

I’m in shock, obviously at this moment. . . 

Me: ohh okay...

My dad walks in (how convenient, I know)

Me: uncomfortable, hyperventilating

My brother then begins to start laughing!

Me: Eugene, lets talk about that at another time perhaps maybe over dinner.

Dad: talk about what?

My brother now is dying on the floor of laughter.

I’m still uncomfortable. . .

Dad: oh.. about you sexual preferences ?

Dad: starts laughing.

Me: stare at the them.

Me: stare at the floor.

Me: walk away.

That my friends is a called a blitz attack! That actually came out of nowhere/ didn’t see that coming.

I don’t know if they were serious or not. Perhaps it’s time we sat down and had a talk fo real because that was just oh so fucking unreal and uncomfortable.