Weed Sisters

So apparently, there is some sort of etiquette when it comes to the Mary Jane. Yes, etiquette. There are rules when using/handling the illegal substances. For example, if someone smokes you up for free one day, you smoke them up for free another day. If you ask someone for a lighter, you offer them to smoke with you. If you are selling something that is laced, you should probably tell the person. However, there are 3 more important things you should know. Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way/ so did my friends.

The first time I smoked was with a bong with my neighbor and her friend. We went to chill in her backyard.  She had a bong. The three of us took turns. It went my neighbor, her friend, me, me, her friend, me, my neighbor, me, her friend, my neighbor, me, me, her friend, me. They both clearly wanted to see me high. After like 82130912310899 hits, obviously I got fucked up, staring into the clouds. I specifically remember the clouds. I also remember my neighbor speaking in a British accent. My neighbor’s brother comes outside and smiles says “damn, its your first time… jealous” Yeah, I’m fucking awesome. He leaves. 5 minutes later, I am bending over in her backyard throwing up yellow mango chunks. (from this delicious mango smoothie, earlier that day). My neighbor than had to hose down the backyard, while I was eating my heart out in her kitchen.

So I’m with Nathan (See Obsessions of a Teenage Girl Post), Jasmine, and this other dude... we will call him Max. In this park. To be honest, I don’t remember why we were there or how we got there but we were chilling in this park. At night. We are all laying in the grass. Chillen. Nathan suddenly goes, lets get high. We all quickly said yes… Nathan usually smoked us up for free. Me and Jasmine didn’t mind. I mean me and Jasmine weren’t really that experienced, I mean we’ve both smoked before but not to the extent of Nathan and Max. Big fans of the mary jane. Nathan whips out the bag of weed, so casually and carefully inserts it into his pipe. He then turns to me to take the first hit. Again, I don’t know what comes over me. But, as he is about to light the weed on fire, I sneeze. A big, sloppy, sexy sneeze. The weed then flys out of his piece and all over the grass we were sitting on. Nathan stares at me. Max gives me the evil eye. Max says “really…?” Jasmine starts laughing. Nathan looks like he about to cry at this point. I suddenly exclaim “I’m SOSOsososo sorry!” More angry stares and angry grunts were exchanged. Well, after that lets just says, things were a bit awkward. I mean even though I just wasted some apparently good weed, Max bought more, and we smoked.  Nathan, was very careful, putting his hand over the weed just in case another sneeze was coming up. I told him it this was a ‘learning experience’ for me. Nathan didn’t find it funny. When we were high, me and Jasmine dubbed each other weed sisters (yeah, I pretty cool in high school). We danced around the park screaming we were the Weed Sisters that night. Weed sister fo life.

Another time, me, Nathan, and Sugar were hot boxing in Nathan’s car. Nathan pulls out this huge heavy glass contraption. He later tells us it’s called a bubbler… he said it wasn’t really harsh on the throat. I was excited because I’m a cougher. Nathan takes the first hit. This bubbler was like glass, and inside there was a good amount of water and made bubbles when you sucked into the contraption. Sugar was in the passenger seat, so Nathan gives her the second hit. Sugar holds it. Sugar drops it. A huge thump noise is made in between Sugars legs. The weed spilled all over his car. The water all over his car. At this point, all of us in the car are so shocked and I’m worried for Sugar that the bubbler broke into a million pieces. Nathan stares at bubbler. He takes it in for a minute. He then says “no. it’s over,” while shaking his head in disappointment.  Sugar bends down to get the bubbler. She didn’t break it. Nathan still upset. Nathan then drops all of us at my house, without smoking us up. Get to my house. We all burst out laughing. I mean Sugar isn’t even the clumsy type. Hysterical.

What have we learned here today?

No vomiting, No sneezing, and No breaking valuable glass contraptions that get you really fucked up, while handling grass.

Obsessions of a Teenage Girl

One of my best friends from home, Jasmine (see Biddies Back Home post) has had a crush on this dude since the 7^th grade. We will call him Alejandro. Smoothe, slick, skinny but built, and extra good looking.  Not really my cup of tea, but I have to admit he was hot like mexico. He had swag that made my friend jasmine go crazy. But actually. Alejandro consumes Jasmine. I have never met anyone so devoted to one person, so crazy about one person. I love you and if you are reading this, you were (and I’m still debating if you still are) crazy in love. Like straight jacket crazy.

Background story: sophomore year of high school, Alejandro and Jasmine go on a date and make out. Nothing prospered from this because Alejandro had a girlfriend. That didn’t really stop Jasmine from seeing Alejandro, let’s be honest. But Jasmine’s  friend (we will call her Freda), went up to Alejandro and his girlfriend and told her her bf was cheating on her. like omg. Till this day I don’t understand why Freda would do that. Afterwards, Alejandro and Jasmine weren’t really on speaking terms. Anyway, as I said before nothing really prospered from that.

Fast forward to a couple year later: Jasmine gets off work. Decides to pick me and Sugar (see Biddies Back Home post). We are just driving around, listening to music. Were bored. What do we do? Pick up Sugar’s boy toy (we will call him Cory). We pick him up because he’s bored at his house. The funny thing was Cory was hosting a boys night: beer, pot, video games... why he wanted to chill with us instead beats me. So we honk for him, he comes out of the house and gets into the car with a red cup, full with beer. We were all like…. Okay. Mr. Cool. Jasmine actually didn’t notice the red cup because she was too busy driving. So were like driving around again, listening to music, conversating, waiting for something to do. Jasmine was like ‘oh lets visit, Alejandro at his house... do a little drive by… I know where he lives.’ At this point, I was not surprised she knew where he lived. So were driving to his house, when we reach the street he lived on, we quickly rolled windows up , turns down this really ghetto shit Jasmine calls music, and turned off the headlights. As we are rolling past his house (in retrospect technically stalking him), Jasmine is covering her face ‘don’t look at me, don’t look at me.’ Me wondering why she is doing this because she has tinted windows. Okay, so after the 5 minutes of cruisin' by his house (which by the way looked like no one was home) we leave his street and start driving back to Cory's. We get on a semi main road, and Jasmine then turns her lights on. Also, Jasmine isn’t always the smoothest driver so we were kind of whirling between the lines of the road.

Cory says nonchalantly as he is sipping from his red cup, “yo Jasmine keep cool, there is a cop following you.” 2 minutes pass, cop still following. Then, blue and red lights turn on. FUCK (and Cory has beer in the car… FUCK). This is just super awesome. I super wanted to get arrested. Cory puts the cup in between his legs (thank jesus he is sitting in the back with Sugar). We stop. Cop asks Jasmine to step out of the car and chat with him. He informs her he has been following her ever since she turned off her lights on Alejandro’s street. He questions her why she turned off her lights and why she was swerving down this main road. Jasmine is in shock.  I mean she couldn’t be like ‘Oh I just wanted to stalk my lover and see if he was home’. So she tells him she was just visiting a friend and closed her lights because he didn’t want to wake him if he was sleeping. Also, the cop made Jasmine walk in a straight line because he thought she was drunk (little does he know, that’s just the way she drives). When finished with Jasmine, Cop walks over to me (I’m next to Jasmine in the car, (passenger seat). Cop asks me to roll down my window. My dumb ass doesn’t know how to roll down the window in her car, and what do I do? Open the door and talk to him. (At that age, of course I don’t know my rights. DON’T JUDGE ME. I didn’t know, I had the right to keep my door closed). Anyway, asking me questions, me praying he doesn’t see the red cup between Cory’s legs in the back of the car. I felt like my balls were being chopped off (if I had any). Then, he decides to go on his merry way. We go home. Actually ridiculous. All for what? Just to see where Jasmine's man sleeps at night.

Couple months pass, and Jasmine is still in love. What does she do?  Alejandro like to party, so Jasmine gives him a party. He also probably got over the whole Freda telling his girlfriend about Jasmine and him hooking up too. Now Jasmine did her best to make a party happen but it just didn’t work out. It was on a school night, last minute, no alcohol… you see where this is going. So when Alejandro arrives , Jasmine plays it off like the party was over and he came too late (that was so GENIUS btw). He then tell hers he is going to another party becuase this one 'fell through'. Leaves. Jasmine is sad. At that point it is just Jasmine and Sugar together. They begin to walk to Sugar’s car to go home. Jasmine then asks Sugar “should I text him one more time?” Sugar replies “you have nothing to lose.” (little does she know….. her virginity!)

Texts are exchanged:

Jasmine: are you sure you don’t want to chill

Alejandro: are you DTF

Jasmine: lets meet somewhere

Now, at that time Sugar and Jasmine didn’t know what DTF stood for. Luckily, Nathan ( who was actually my prom date), Kim, and Ashley were smoking pot across the street outside where Sugar and Jasmine were standing. Very Convenient. Asked Nathan what it means Keep in mind this might be a little awkward because Nathan and Jasmine have hookup before. With a confused/high look on his face, Nathan says 'down to fuck.'  Jasmine races to Sugar’s car and tells Sugar to take her to him. Sugar obviously persuades her that this is a bad idea, however, Jasmine could care less. (Honestly, with my friends... you can voice your opinion, but at the end of the day. there crazy and will do what they want)  Quick makeup and perfume check. Sugar drops off Jasmine with Alejandro. Alejandro is riding this big white van (like those rape vans). She gets into this van. Alejandro’s friend is driving the car, while Alejandro is in the back with Jasmine. Arm wrapped around her. They drive to the parking lot of a big grocery store in our town. (Mind you this is around 2 in the morning). Alejandro tells his friend who is driving the car to wait outside.  Alejandro turns up the radio and the song lollipop comes on. And well, let’s just say every time I hear the words: 

Ow... Uh huh Young Mula Baby 
I say he so sweet make her wanna lick the wrapper 
So I let her lick the wrapper

I get extremely and unbearably uncomfortable.