Junior year of high school, my best friend Jasmine decides she wants to go all out for her birthday party. What does she decide to do? Throw a neon dance party. I mean that’s whats up. The only problem was she could not find a space to have the party. She couldn’t do it at her house or at the pool house or whatever. Finally, we will call him… Justin, offered his second “house”. Notice those quotations marks. Jasmine was like alright. I mean Jasmine and our friends didn’t really know Justin that well/ had never been to other “house”. But Jasmine was gung hoe about this party so she was like whatever, and agreed to have it at Justin’s “house”.
So we prep for the party a week advance. Jasmine is big on décor so she bought jaw breakers, other assorted arrangements of candy, streamers, white lights, and made a ton of burned booty popping CD’s.
Jasmine makes the point obvious that is a BYOB type thing. So that night, I remember I snuck into my dad cabinet to get some whiskey. Can we talk about that is the only thing he drinks. Can we also talk about how that made my high school drinking experience a living hell. I mixed the whiskey with some orange juice. So, at this point I’m ready for the party. Dressed and had my pregame drink set. I’m waiting for my friend to pick me up. Bored. What do I do? Start drinking the whiskey. Friend picks me up. We go to my other friend’s house. Shots were taken. (vodka shots, for clarification). I’m extremely fucked up, my other friends weren’t. They just had like 2 or 3 shots, but I’m like so fucked (due to the whiskey). We then to proceed to go to this party. We look at the the address for the party and realize it is somewhere in my friends neighborhood, so were like super siced it’s close by. We roll up by the house. My mouth drops. My friends start laughing. I see Jasmine’s car park near the house. Obviously, she is there. We go inside the house, I distinctly remember thinking to myself “is this fucking forreal?”
The house was under construction and only half built. The roof is still made out of wood, the floor is cement, no windows, no door, some of the inner walls consist of cardboard and wood. Anyway, I saw that Jasmine decorated the house with white lights. Kanye West was playing from a boom box in a room that seemed like a living room. I greet Jasmine, Star, Beyonce and other people who came to the party. I fucking realize I am the only one plastered out of my mind... again. What the fuck? Why do I always do this? (See jello shot girl post)
Whatever. I don’t really give a fuck and start dancing. I see Andy… why do I run into his arms and jump on top of him. Why do I grab his butt? Andy goes to my high school. Andy and I aren’t friends. Andy and I have never spoken a word to each other.
The following events I’m about to tell, I don’t personally remember myself but Beyonce was eager to reiterate what happened the rest of the night to me the next day:
Surprisingly there was a good turn out, even though the party is in a abandoned house. Beyonce comments on my new and cute fake channel purse (don’t judge me that was thing to do/wear, back in the day) and asks me she wants to see it. She opens the purse. First, she finds my empty whiskey bottle in my bag. Then she finds a jar of peanut butter and 20 plastic spoons. She asks me why I have this. I tell her that if the cops come, I will quickly shove massive amounts of peanut butter in my mouth. (Okay, in my defense before the party, I had heard from many people aka Jasmine that peanut butter masks the smell of alcohol, so the breathalyzer that cops use can not detect how much alcohol you intake.) Beyonce then asks me why I have 20 spoons. I respond by telling her that if anyone else wanted to join me, I would have spoons for them. I mean I really didn’t need to bring any more spoons anyway, since I was the only one drunk. What the fuck.
Later at the party, I see Dave (see high school hotties post). At this point I grabbed a jaw breaker (like the size of a half quarter) from the food table, and run up to him. I literally go up to him and say “Dave… Look how I can shove this jaw breaker down my throat!” Throw the jaw breaker up in the air so I could catch it with my mouth. I miss my mouth and the jaw breaker hits my eye. Awesome. I’m a fucking idiot/ it hurt so badly.
So drunk. Quickly run into this other room where the music seems to be louder. I see the body rollers. At my school, there were these girls who would dance and grind on top of each other in school like randomly at lunch in the cafeteria, in the court yard, before class with no music. They were ridicoulous. Tryna be the shit, wearing low cut tops and trying to attract any kind boy attention. They also made home videos in there basements. My friends and I would call them the body rollers. Come to think of it I didn’t even know who invited them. Anyway, I run to them and start body rolling with them. Dancing, laughing with them. I'm obviously so cool.
Then, I ended up outside in front of the house. Many people were outside the house chillin. I see my friend (we will call him Peter) parking his car next to the house. Peter gets out and waves to me and I wave to him. As I am waving I see blue and red.
Fuck.
I than hear cop cars approaching. What the fuck. Freaking out because I am so drunk. I mean I should’ve saw this happening, after looking at the under constructed house. Obviously a neighbor would call the police telling them a bunch of kids are in an abandoned house.
I sprint in to the house. See Beyonce. Scream “COPPSSSSSSS!” She doesn’t believe me because I am drunk. Seconds, later everyone starts screaming that there are cops. Beyonce exclaims to me to follow her downstairs in to the basement where there is a door that exits to the outside. As we are going down the stairs, I push Beyonce out of the way and sprint out the door. I mean it wasn’t like I pushed her down the stairs it was like a sudden shove. I’m sorry Beyonce again, if you are reading this! When we get out the door, me, Beyonce, and a couple other people run into another person’s backyard. Were chilling in this backyard, next to this huge bush. Apparently I told everyone to stay calm and instructed everyone were going to sleep next to this bush tonight. I get some dirty looks from people. I also get some laughs. Beyonce was like no and said someone was going to pick us up. Were waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Suddenly, we hear all these ducks noises. Then we start seeing these ducks appearing randomly. They all congregate near this one boy from the party, we will call me Kyle. Kyle looks a bit scared. The ducks look possessed, like Kyle was their leader or something. I start laughing. Like what the fuck, so random. We all start laughing.
It’s funny because everytime I tell that story to someone and when I get to the part about Kyle. I get hype. I always tell people he was attacked by the ducks. People tend to laugh, especially people who know him laugh because that would happen to him.
Finally our ride comes half an hour later. Well, some ride. This massive black escalade roles up, and this girl we barely knew took us in her car. (I mean she went to our high school, and Jasmine knew her, but the rest of didn’t) In retrospect, it was really nice that she picked us up. When we got in the car, there the car was already packed. We all had to smush in the back. Where was I? I was like lying across 6 bodies that were sitting in the back. Awesome.
We get dropped off at T Square. T Square is this area that consists of a 7 11, nail salon, a burger king, and some random other sketchy restaurants. It was kind of the hotspot for highschoolers in our town to go, after hours. A lot of asain break dancers like to dance in the parking lot. But mostly you go there after a party, or after you smoke a lot of weed you go there to eat burger king, or if you nothing to do, you there in general. Me and Beyonce met up with Star, Sugar, and Jasmine, etc at Burger King. Beyonce notices I don’t have my black channel bag. I must of left it at the abandoned house. Awesome. It has my ID. Awesome. It smells like alcohol.
After freaking out for an hour, Jasmine’s older sister appears with the bag in her hand. Jasmine called her to go get it from the house. I fucking love Jasmine’s sister. I take my ID out of the bag and throw the bag in the trash. Why? To be honest, I don’t remember.
I don't even understand that night at all. All I have to say is that was actually the craziest birthday party I have ever been to. damn.
