Oh, It's What You Do To Me

Usually when I am attracted to someone, I can’t really speak to them/act meek/bump into walls/ be awkward. Usually.  My first year at college, I met this guy… we will call him Dylan. I don’t what it was I was just so uncomfortable around him. I wasn’t attracted to him, but his presence/swag was on point.  He had this aura about him that people loved. One of my good friends had the biggest crush on him freshman year. She wasn’t the only one on campus that had a crush on him. Even though I didn’t like him like that there was something about him that made me totally and utterly  incompetent. I would avoid him all the time. At all costs. I mean he was a nice guy, but I was just so awkward around him. No idea why.

So fast forward to sophomore year.  We had just got back from summer break and I was eating dinner in the one of the dining halls. As I got up to get food, I saw him from a distance. Dylan. We were both going in the same direction.  Heart stops. Damn. I fucking have to say hi because than it would be too awkward if I didn’t. I’m about to say hi and he is a few steps away from me. He goes in for a huge hug. Oh damn. Im uncomfortable and I wasn’t expecting  a huge hug! Ahhhh!  Damn. This reminds me of high school. (see High School hotties Post) 

So you know usually when you hug someone in general your bodies meet but your head goes to the left of the person and their head moves to the right of you. If you didn’t move to the left or right, you and the other person would basically butt heads together. Well for some reason, me and Dylan both moved our heads to the left and then to right and then to the left and to the right again. I’m an idiot. Right left right left. I mean if someone was watching us, it would seem like we were both avoiding kissing each other. This went on for like a long long time… I would say a minute, which doesn’t seem like a long time. It was… believe me.   He finally exclaims “you go left and I’ll go right!” I did what I was told. We ended the hug. I quickly went to get mac and cheese and ate my feelings. I was a tomato. A big red tomato. 

Apparently, I was not born with this hug head moving to the left social cue.

Months pass.  I forget about the whole thing. One night, I go to take a shower. I have a towel on and my caddy in hand.  I am walking down the hall to reach the bathroom. Now, I am pretty comfortable naked in a towel. No big deal for me. However, add Dylan into the mix and I’m a fucking ham. SO, I’m walking to the shower. Who is coming towards me at the opposite end of the hall. Dylan. Awesome. Anyway, he says hello and I screamed “HI!!!!!!!” (might I remind you in my towel) What came over me, I don’t know. I just was so nervous I screamed my  “hi” instead of playing it cool. This “hi” was not just any screaming “hi”, it was an obnoxious, high pitched, valley girl status, eye widening, “hi!” Might I also to tell you I was also uncomfortable because my legs were not shaven, so in my mind, I was like please do not stare my hairy legs! AH. Awesome.  After we pass each other, I was so overwhelmed; I walk into a random dorm room that was open.  I run into this rando room to hide from Dylan. As I am in this dorm room, I see two boys staring me while they are by their desks on the computer. I have never seen/met these boys in my life on my floor. I stare at them. They stare at me. I stare at them. They then proceed to stare at me. This goes on for couple minutes. I finally say “I’m just gonna go.” Leave their dorm room.  Walk slowly to the bathroom to shower in my towel. 

I see those boys from time to time around campus. The two boys that I walked into the room, randomly. I don’t say hi. They don’t say hi. It’s awesome. And awkward.

High School Hotties

High school was my prime time for being inept, tongue tied, graceless, uncomfortable, and self-conscious. Two stories that really stick out in my mind, freshman year of high school, are about two different boys aka some high school hotties, let’s be honest.  

We will call him John.  I was a freshman, John was junior. John was actually beautiful, there’s something about Latinos… there just so attractive on so many levels. I was not sure where John was from but if I had to guess I would go with Columbia. Good jaw line, light eyes, good teeth, rockin body, obviously bringin sexy back. 

In high school, our foreign language department and our art department were in the same hallway. That year I was taking ceramics, and John was taking French. Since, both are classes were in the same hall obviously we came into contact, walking past each other to get to our next class. At first, it was smile and a smile back from time to time. 

Then, one day he finally introduced himself. Introductions were fine, I didn’t stutter, and when he asked me what I like to do for fun, I was quick on my feet to answer field hockey.  Two days later, after class, I walked into the hallway, and there mad people in the hall too because class was over, however I spotted John from down hall. So I’m obviously was walking in his direction to say hello, I was already somewhat sweating because I was that nervous because he was so hot (and in my defense, I was also sweating because there were so many bodies around me trying to get to their next class). So I finally reach him, and he goes in for a big hug. Now, as I have mentioned before in my past blog posts I am not one for hugs. Without thinking, I go in for the hug too, but instead of hugging him I hug his left arm. In other words, instead of going in between his arms and hugging his stomach, I moved more to the left of him and inched up to him, and then ended up hugging his left arm. John goes “umm.. okay?.. um.” Then, I go “oh… sorry! I mean.. um.. yeah” Then he responds by saying “no, its cool” and smiles. I of course freak the fuck out (in my mind) and walk away quickly. Slick move, Leah. I still can’t believe I did that… realll, how could I hug is left arm?

After that, to my surprise he would say hi and try to hang out, but I just couldn’t, I was just so embarrassed.  Of course, I told all my friends what happened and then they waited until I told them the whole story to tell me they saw the whole thing in action. 

The next boy… we will call him Dave. Dave and I went to middle school and high school together. Okay, so yes I thought he was attractive when I first met him in middle school, but after I actually exchanged words with him, I wasn’t with it. Don’t get me wrong, he was really sweet and intelligent (let’s be honest he was a fucking genius), but he wasn’t really my cup to tea. 

 So the summer before freshman year, I just assumed he went through the wondrous magic of puberty because when he stepped into my English class and I was in awe. Now, he looked like was Abercrombie and Fitch status. He was one of your typical dark brown hair, blue eyes, big muscles, lacrosse playing, all American, all sexy, boy. 

So our high school was made up of many middle schools joining together, so when Dave stepped into the English classroom, yes I was like oh damn, but…. it was still Dave. Dave who enjoyed algebra and torturing/flirting girls in middle school with saccade bugs (in the 7^th grade the saccade bugs came out of their shell… disgusting). However, for the people who did not know him… he was a Greek god. A beautiful Abercrombie and Fitch Greek god, if that’s even possible. In class I was assigned to sit next to Dave and I didn’t really mind because we’ve been friends since middle school. I also made friends with some of the girls in my English class (who actually are my best friends still today). A couple weeks into the class, they confess their love for Dave to me, and of course I was like “yeah, I know!” To be honest, I didn’t like him/ didn’t think he was that attractive but you when your friends hype the situation, you can’t just help but go on the band wagon. 

One day, in class, my friend mouths to me, across them “Dave is sooo hot,” while Dave was sitting next to me, concentrating on his essay. I nod my head agreeing with her, and as I turn to look at Dave, I don’t know what comes over me, but this huge glob of split, went flying from my mouth onto his arm. Minutes later, he realizes my saliva is on his arm. I look at my saliva on his arm. He jumps up from class, starts freaking out, “Leah just spat all over my arm.. Leah, omg were are no longer friends!” Of course, I’m trying to hide, by covering my face, obviously that is a fail. He runs out of the classroom to wash my spit off his arm. I honestly have no idea how and why how I accidentally managed to form that much saliva and spit it all over his arm till this day.

The next day, everything was normal and he acted like nothing happened… and so did I. We lost touch as friends (I don’t know if it was because of this incident), but remained acquaintances throughout high school. My friend Star (more info mentioned in the Jello Shot Girl post) actually hooked up with Dave for quite a while, senior year and of course I had to tell her this story. When I shared this story with her, she laughed and then shared stories about how Dave was actually a sloppy kisser. I died.