before reading please update yourself: job interview
so obviously didn't get that job. surprised? not really.
however, i didnt end up working at the same mall for another retail company. a few weeks later the same guy who i interviewed with/shook his hand with my wet hand come into the retail company that I currently work for. Awkward. He came in with his girlfriend. His girlfriend was asking me a bazillion questions. and he well... he was pretty uncomfortable. I was chillen though.
I was working a couple days ago at my current retail job in the mall, folding clothes in the front of the store, while greeting customers as they come in. Well guess who walks into my store... John. (Read High School Hotties Post) John comes in with a friend and suddenly comes over to me.
He was still as lucious as he was in high school. I assumed he worked at abercrombie and fitch because he wreaked of their cologne. This is how the conversation went down. FYI- from my past occurrences with john i decided to pretend not to know him.
John: oh hey. do I know you from somewhere?
Me: well, um im not sure.
John: are you from around here.
Me: yeahh
John: what is your name.. wait don't tell me. what does it start with
At this point.. i'm getting clearly annoyed. go away. i was strugglin trying to fold these damn tshirts.
Me: L...
John: Lizzy....
Me: close.. leah
John: do you have a sister
Me: no..
John: hold old are you?
In my mind... what are with these questions... christ.
Me: I'm a rising junior
John quickly gets unconfortable... starts looking around, fidgeting with his hands.
John: ugh well... uhhh... sorry to bother you!
He then proceeds to run out of the store.
I was really confused by what just happened. Then I thought about it.
Whether he recognized me or not, he was hitting on me. He asked for my age, and when I told him, I as a rising junior... he thought I was a rising junior in high school. LMAO. actaully dying.
what up pedafile.
I'm hilarious, even if it is on accident.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Asian Invasion
LOVE me asian food, hello kitty and everything is basically made from China. In high school, I had an asian tutor that helped me with AP Biology. She was the fucking bomb. I get this love from my dad. My dad also loves asians. He married my mom... He thinks Asians have a great work ethic and family structure.
Asians are basically the fucking shit. However, no one is perfect.
Last semester, I was in the library working on a paper. I was in the dungeon part of the library which means there is no talking aloud. So, I am typing on my computer alone. There were many people studying around me, not at my table but close to my table studying or working on papers for finals as well.
Suddenly, a ripple of farts are heard. I hear them coming from behind me. I slyly turn around it was this asian boy heavily working on something on his computer.
More ripples.
I began to cover my nose.
I of course was not the only one who heard these ripples. I make eye contact with a girl I kinda know. I tried to hold it in but we both begin to laugh.
Fast, slow, slow, fast loud queasy ripples. It was like anal acoustics. no joke.
I am literally dying in my chair. He keeps on working on his mac like nothing is happening.
CLEARLY, something is happening.
Like dude, go to the boys room to do that. He was a lean mean farting machine. However, I have to give him credit to be really concentrated on his studies. I never go into that part of the library .... because I want to avoid distraction.
A couple days after this incident, I witnessed 3 asians running across campus with paper in hand.... one of them was me.
Asians are basically the fucking shit. However, no one is perfect.
Last semester, I was in the library working on a paper. I was in the dungeon part of the library which means there is no talking aloud. So, I am typing on my computer alone. There were many people studying around me, not at my table but close to my table studying or working on papers for finals as well.
Suddenly, a ripple of farts are heard. I hear them coming from behind me. I slyly turn around it was this asian boy heavily working on something on his computer.
More ripples.
I began to cover my nose.
I of course was not the only one who heard these ripples. I make eye contact with a girl I kinda know. I tried to hold it in but we both begin to laugh.
Fast, slow, slow, fast loud queasy ripples. It was like anal acoustics. no joke.
I am literally dying in my chair. He keeps on working on his mac like nothing is happening.
CLEARLY, something is happening.
Like dude, go to the boys room to do that. He was a lean mean farting machine. However, I have to give him credit to be really concentrated on his studies. I never go into that part of the library .... because I want to avoid distraction.
A couple days after this incident, I witnessed 3 asians running across campus with paper in hand.... one of them was me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Job Interview
Went to my retail interview at a local mall today.
I was a bit early. Go into the store across from because I had time to kill.
I walk into Bath and Body Works... try to some lotion, however the smell reminded me of cleaning solution so I quickly ran to wash my hands with soap and water.
I leave to go to the retail interview. I walk in and I get acquainted with the manager who was about to interview me. He sees me and puts out his hand and I step to him to shake it.
He gives me a look.
I suddenly feel his hand touching mine to be wet.
I give myself a look.
I forgot to dry my hands after washing them.
Classy. Real Classy.
Stay tuned if I actually get the job.
I was a bit early. Go into the store across from because I had time to kill.
I walk into Bath and Body Works... try to some lotion, however the smell reminded me of cleaning solution so I quickly ran to wash my hands with soap and water.
I leave to go to the retail interview. I walk in and I get acquainted with the manager who was about to interview me. He sees me and puts out his hand and I step to him to shake it.
He gives me a look.
I suddenly feel his hand touching mine to be wet.
I give myself a look.
I forgot to dry my hands after washing them.
Classy. Real Classy.
Stay tuned if I actually get the job.
Friday, April 22, 2011
10 Struggle Updates
a struggle for the perfect physique. new solution.
my book would be 80 pages long
seeing struggles at a young age.
good thing it's almost spring
no caption needed
yup. I DEF make it awkward.
Leaving The Office :(
“Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.” - Anonymous
Life is a struggle. All you can do is laugh at yourself and fuck what anyone else thinks. damn. - Leah
Sunshine Yellow
There is this thing on campus where you where nothing but a thong and get painted with liquid latex, and they call it an art show. I did the show freshman year, and as a sophomore I was like okay I'll do it again.. what do I have to loose. Little did I know... my fucking dignity.
So the night before the show, I had to shave every inch of my body. (Everything had to be naked mole rat status because after the show when your taking the latex off your body it will hurt like a mother fucker... pulling of you hair) Last year I waxed everything, this year was a bit last minute and I shaved everything. EVERYTHING...well except my back. That's weird. So, I am in the shower for a long time obviously. I finish. I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a yellow towel, and walk back to my dorm room. Nothing crazy.
While walking back to my room, one of the dudes who lives on my hall passes by and says "hey Leah! I see you shaved!"
Oh. okay. Awesome. Oh my god. I am a ripe tomato. Oh my god. I look down to see my if my coochi was hanging out but it wasn't. I am confused at this point... thinking did he see me in the shower?... Me looking confused. Him looking confused because I look confused. He goes "yeah, you know you shaved your mustache!"
LOL. I almost crapped in my pants. I forgot that me and a friend were goofing around the other night with fake mustaches and he saw me in with a mustache. LOL... but I almost died right their in my towel. Total misunderstanding.
Back to the real story, the show starts at 8pm. However, painting the body starts at 12pm because you are painted with layers of latex. So, I am getting naked, getting painted, etc. Now they do not paint around your crotch you paint over your thong because just in case you need to go to the bathroom. I have a huge blatter. So I told the person who was painting me: " just seal me up! paint me all!" This was around 4 pm. I tell her to do this as I am drinking pink lemonade.
The latex artwork that covered by body was finished around 6pm.Two hours before the show. When Latex dries on the body, sometimes it can rip (like a latex condom when having kinky sex) and so when 8pm rolled around the latex started ripping slighting in areas such as my crotch, knees,and neck. Places where I would be forced to move my body in order to walk. Whatever, not a big deal, this happens to everyone.
At 815 pm, the first acts perform ( I was in the second act). As the acts were performing, I felt the urge. The urge to tinkle. Fuck my life. Fuck me for drinking lemonade.
HONESTLY.
Now, since the latex ripped in my crotch area, I thought that I could pee.
MISTAKE.
"Peed in my pants" the expression doesn't seem fit for what happened. It was more "peed in my latex."
Massive flood of pee all over me, all over the latex on my legs and all over the bathroom floor. Good thing everyone was outside watching the acts perform, while this was happening. After, I pee on myself, (awesome) I flip the fuck out. Not because the girls bathroom floor was a pleasant shade of sunshine yellow, but because I smelled like urine and I was about to perform on stage, and the latex was falling apart apart, and and my naked body was seeping through.
FUCKME.sohard.
So I quickly rush out of the stall wash my hands, and grab paper towels (a massive amount) Trying to dab my latex on my legs dry,so it wouldn't fall off my body (especially on stage in front of many peers and TEACHERS). Awesome. Grabbing and dabbing was the technique I used. Latex was ripping and I began to see my thong. fuck. I run to the boys bathroom to dry of the pee on me. In retrospect, I don't know why I ran to the other bathroom. At this point, hyper ventilating begins, me breathing slowly and deeply.
I then go back in to the room I was painted in and start repainting my crotch ASAP. However, it would not be dry in time for the second act. So, what do I do?
I fucking blow dried my vagina like it was my job with some rando's blow dryer so the latex could dry.Yeah (and it didn't have the cool button). So my VAG was on fiya for like 10 minutes.
HAM=me.
I think the show went well at least? No one mentioned the smell of urine on stage.
So the night before the show, I had to shave every inch of my body. (Everything had to be naked mole rat status because after the show when your taking the latex off your body it will hurt like a mother fucker... pulling of you hair) Last year I waxed everything, this year was a bit last minute and I shaved everything. EVERYTHING...well except my back. That's weird. So, I am in the shower for a long time obviously. I finish. I get out of the shower, wrap myself in a yellow towel, and walk back to my dorm room. Nothing crazy.
While walking back to my room, one of the dudes who lives on my hall passes by and says "hey Leah! I see you shaved!"
Oh. okay. Awesome. Oh my god. I am a ripe tomato. Oh my god. I look down to see my if my coochi was hanging out but it wasn't. I am confused at this point... thinking did he see me in the shower?... Me looking confused. Him looking confused because I look confused. He goes "yeah, you know you shaved your mustache!"
LOL. I almost crapped in my pants. I forgot that me and a friend were goofing around the other night with fake mustaches and he saw me in with a mustache. LOL... but I almost died right their in my towel. Total misunderstanding.
Back to the real story, the show starts at 8pm. However, painting the body starts at 12pm because you are painted with layers of latex. So, I am getting naked, getting painted, etc. Now they do not paint around your crotch you paint over your thong because just in case you need to go to the bathroom. I have a huge blatter. So I told the person who was painting me: " just seal me up! paint me all!" This was around 4 pm. I tell her to do this as I am drinking pink lemonade.
The latex artwork that covered by body was finished around 6pm.Two hours before the show. When Latex dries on the body, sometimes it can rip (like a latex condom when having kinky sex) and so when 8pm rolled around the latex started ripping slighting in areas such as my crotch, knees,and neck. Places where I would be forced to move my body in order to walk. Whatever, not a big deal, this happens to everyone.
At 815 pm, the first acts perform ( I was in the second act). As the acts were performing, I felt the urge. The urge to tinkle. Fuck my life. Fuck me for drinking lemonade.
HONESTLY.
Now, since the latex ripped in my crotch area, I thought that I could pee.
MISTAKE.
"Peed in my pants" the expression doesn't seem fit for what happened. It was more "peed in my latex."
Massive flood of pee all over me, all over the latex on my legs and all over the bathroom floor. Good thing everyone was outside watching the acts perform, while this was happening. After, I pee on myself, (awesome) I flip the fuck out. Not because the girls bathroom floor was a pleasant shade of sunshine yellow, but because I smelled like urine and I was about to perform on stage, and the latex was falling apart apart, and and my naked body was seeping through.
FUCKME.sohard.
So I quickly rush out of the stall wash my hands, and grab paper towels (a massive amount) Trying to dab my latex on my legs dry,so it wouldn't fall off my body (especially on stage in front of many peers and TEACHERS). Awesome. Grabbing and dabbing was the technique I used. Latex was ripping and I began to see my thong. fuck. I run to the boys bathroom to dry of the pee on me. In retrospect, I don't know why I ran to the other bathroom. At this point, hyper ventilating begins, me breathing slowly and deeply.
I then go back in to the room I was painted in and start repainting my crotch ASAP. However, it would not be dry in time for the second act. So, what do I do?
I fucking blow dried my vagina like it was my job with some rando's blow dryer so the latex could dry.Yeah (and it didn't have the cool button). So my VAG was on fiya for like 10 minutes.
HAM=me.
I think the show went well at least? No one mentioned the smell of urine on stage.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Peek A Boo
Last night, there was a rave on campus. And when I mean rave, I mean someone DJing in one of our functional halls at my University. It was fun. I was drunk. It got really great when me and Bertha went to into the function hall closet. We start are hooking up. Nice. So were hooking up there for quite a bit, and then Bertha grabs my crotch to I guess pull me closer to her.We both hear a rip in my American Apparel Black Leotard.
Honestly.
We stop. I than realize that that there is a huge hole in my crotch. The hole was about the size of a mango. Awesome. I am not wearing any underwear. Even more awesome.
I'm actually really pissed right now because I was and am still in love with that leotard. It's perfect accessory in a girls closet.... well in my closet. Anyway, Bertha and I eventually slip out the closet and try to leave and walk to the nearest exit, without anyone noticing. When I mean anyone, I mean the combined 200+ sober and not so sober people at the rave. I had to walk like there is a stick up my ass so no one will see my fucking VAGINA... hanging out like whats up.
Leave the function hall. Walk to friends dorm to get keys. Go up two different flights of stairs. Walk to my dorm that is halfway across campus. Walking slow as fuck.
Champ status.
Honestly.
We stop. I than realize that that there is a huge hole in my crotch. The hole was about the size of a mango. Awesome. I am not wearing any underwear. Even more awesome.
I'm actually really pissed right now because I was and am still in love with that leotard. It's perfect accessory in a girls closet.... well in my closet. Anyway, Bertha and I eventually slip out the closet and try to leave and walk to the nearest exit, without anyone noticing. When I mean anyone, I mean the combined 200+ sober and not so sober people at the rave. I had to walk like there is a stick up my ass so no one will see my fucking VAGINA... hanging out like whats up.
Leave the function hall. Walk to friends dorm to get keys. Go up two different flights of stairs. Walk to my dorm that is halfway across campus. Walking slow as fuck.
Champ status.
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